


Trust.

by lizibabes



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Casual Drug Use, Drinking, Homophobia, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, Sex, Swearing, past physical assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for RPF-BigBang. The second tour is only weeks away from starting, and Adam is enjoying a last minute break even though he's broken up with his boyfriend. It was meant to be a romantic trip for two. While he's relaxing on a beach in Hawaii, back home in LA, Tommy Joe, is coming to accept a part of himself that he has kept hidden until now. But will Tommy's first relationship with a man work out the way he hoped, or is he making a big mistake? And has Adam missed his chance to be with Tommy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: ratbert71 and I_glitterz  
> [](http://delugedpapercup.livejournal.com/5041.html)
> 
> Art Master Post

Prologue 

　

Paradise-- the hotel was certainly named right, a nice exclusive hotel located in Hawaii. Adam was enjoying his time. He was laid out by the pool relaxing, the blue water glittering as the sun beat down on him. An icy alcoholic drink sat by his elbow, and it didn't matter that someone else should have been laid out beside him. He wasn't going to let that ruin his break. The new tour would start soon, and he had some time off after the promos he’d done, so he was taking a few weeks for himself. 

 

He wasn’t heartbroken, because his heart hadn't been in the relationship to start with, but it had been nice, comfortable, and it had been nice to be with someone to do things with. He didn't like hooking up, even more so now that he was successful. He didn't want to sleep with someone who was only after his fame. He likes sex better when there are feelings involved-- it's just the way he is. So he's not devastated over the break up, but he isn't happy about it either. But what he feels about it won't stop him from having a good time in Paradise.   
　

 

When his cell phone goes off he groans, because everyone has been leaving him alone, and as much as he loves them, he's been enjoying his free-time. He doesn't even look to see who's calling him--he's been gone only two days--as he presses the phone to his ear with one hand and makes a swipe for his drink with the other.

 

"Hello?" Adam winces at his own voice. He doesn't think he could sound less like he gives a shit if he tried, and he’s not some diva asshole. If someone needs him or wants to talk, he doesn't resent that. Going on vacation doesn't mean cutting ties with everyone back home. 

 

"Hi, Adam. You're probably busy, and I shouldn't have called since you’re on vacation," Tommy says in a rush. 

 

Adam frowns, because he has never heard Tommy sound so nervous on the phone. He also thinks he can hear another voice in the background, but when he tries to listen, he can't hear anything apart from Tommy's breathing. Maybe Tommy's somewhere busy. Adam can just imagine him sat in a diner somewhere eating the least healthy thing on the menu, calling Adam to check-in or check-up on him. 

 

"Tommy, no, it's fine," Adam says and he means it. Tommy's a good friend. Even on vacation, Adam wants to hear from him, but then again, he always wants to hear from Tommy. He wouldn't get pissed even if Tommy called him at three in the morning or when Adam was working on something. But then he does have it bad for that man. 

 

"You sound busy… its nothing, just me needing some advice, but it can wait. You and Will are probably trying to relax… it can wait ‘till you get home," Tommy says, still rushing through his words. He's not acting like himself at all, and Adam wishes they were face to face so that he could read Tommy better. A lot of the time, whatever Tommy is thinking or feeling, is written all over his face. 

 

"Actually, Will isn't with me. We broke up." Adam sighs. Apart from his Mom, Tommy is the first person Adam has told about Will.

 

"What?" Tommy sounds shocked.  
　

 

"He said the media was too much for him. That being in the spotlight was too much. He said I didn’t do anything wrong, he just couldn’t take the rest of it.” It’s not something Adam hasn't heard before, but it doesn't make it sting any less. 

 

"That's really shitty. I'm sorry," 

 

Tommy does sound bummed for him. Adam doesn't doubt that if he was in the same room as Tommy right now that he would get a hug, so maybe it's better that he's not around Tommy right after a breakup. Tommy would be sweet and caring and do all the right things, reminding Adam how perfect he is, for Adam. Well how perfect he would be, if he wasn't straight. The most laid-back straight boy he has ever met. The most open and accepting, but still a straight boy through and through. 

 

"It's fine, it's not like he was the one anyway." Adam's starting to think there is no such thing as 'the one', at least not for him. He's surrounded by so many happy couples, and he doesn't get jealous often, but it does make him wonder why they have it easier, why other people find the loves of their lives even when they are not looking for it. He's looking, but he doesn't seem to be able to find someone he can be with for forever.

 

"I'm still sorry. I know you were looking forward to a romantic get-away." Tommy sighs, and not for the first time, does Adam wish things could be different between them. He can imagine forever with Tommy so easily, and once or twice, he has thought Tommy had looked at him with something other than friendship in his eyes. But Adam knows that’s probably wishful thinking on his part. His straight friend doesn't have a crush on him, it's a stupid thought. Tommy is just being affectionate, like he is with everyone. 

 

"I'm still having a good time. It's lovely here, no press either. I know they'll be all over the breakup once they realize we've not been seen together for a while. So I'm enjoying my escape from the real world, no stress." Adam sighs, laying back, his drink still in one hand. He's not looking forward to telling the world he's not with Will anymore. The longer he can put it off the better. 

 

"You should get back to your vacation, man, and relax. You deserve it," Tommy encourages. 

 

Adam frowns again and thinks this is a little weird that Tommy’s now trying to end the conversation. Maybe its bad news and he doesn't want to give Adam more bad news after hearing about his break up. He really hopes it isn't bad news. 

 

"It's cool, we can talk about it when you get back… it's not a big deal," Tommy tells him, but Adam can tell that Tommy hadn’t called to just say ‘Hi’ to him.

 

Adam doesn't want to think that Tommy would lie to him. They're close--they don't keep things from each other. Well Adam keeps one thing from him--his crush--but he keeps that from everyone. Everyone but Brad and Sutan, because they both had guessed, but he’s refused to confirm their suspicions about his feelings for Tommy. 

 

"You sure?" Adam is still a little worried.

 

"I promise, it can wait," Tommy says firmly. 

 

Adam lets it drop and they make their goodbyes. Adam puts his cell away and orders another drink, laying back and getting comfortable in the sun. He'll have to put more lotion on soon so he doesn't burn. He's already covered in more freckles than he normally is, but he's enjoying just laying about in the warm sun, enjoying the simple pleasure of having nothing to do and nowhere to be. 

 

He does spend some time wondering what Tommy wanted to talk to him about, since Tommy knew he’d be on vacation with his boyfriend, but he doesn’t guess, because with Tommy, it could be anything. So he decides not to dwell on it, whatever it is will wait until he gets home. Waiting a few weeks won't make a difference. 

 

++++++++++++++++++

 

"You didn't tell him! What happened to growing some balls and actually talking to him?" Mike says, throwing a pillow at him. 

 

Tommy's starting to regret letting Mike stay in his bedroom with him while he called Adam, but if Mike hadn't stayed, Tommy's not sure he would have called at all. He's more than a little nervous about talking to Adam about this. 　

 

"He just broke up with his boyfriend, he doesn't need me dropping more shit in his lap," Tommy argues. 

 

"How long are you going to make excuses about not coming out to him? He won't hate you, Tommy. You thought me and Dave would, and your Mom. None of us do, and Adam won't either. It's not like you have to worry about him turning out to be a homophobic asshole. The dude's gay." Mike groans, laying out flat beside Tommy with a look on his face like Tommy is driving him crazy.

 

"He won't be pissed that I'm bisexual, he'll be pissed that I lied about it. He needs his friends right now. How's he going to feel about finding out one of his friends lied to him?" Tommy asks. 

 

He wishes he had never told Adam he was straight, but he'd been dating a girl when they met. Tommy hadn’t been out to his folks then—it had just seemed easier to not tell the whole truth. He never counted on caring so much about Adam. His boss wasn't supposed to be one of his best friends, and he wasn't meant to start crushing on him. He hadn't planned on any of this, and the more time that’s passed, the harder telling the truth seems to be. He's lied for so long. Adam has told the whole damn world that Tommy is straight, because that's what Adam thinks is the truth.

 

"So you're just going to lie for your whole life? Come on! He won't hate you! He likes you too much to hate you. And he'll get it… being out isn't easy, wasn't easy for him. He still deals with homophobia… you're the one who told me that. I think he'll understand why you were afraid," Mike sighs. 

 

He and Mike went to school together, so Mike’s seen the same things as him, including what happened to Tim Button, the only out kid at their high school. He'd been a senior when Tommy and Mike were juniors, so they didn't have classes together, but they still saw the sort of shit he went through: the name calling, being pushed around, having different gross shit put in his locker every other week. He'd held his head high when other kids would have run and hid. Tim was brave, and because he refused to run, a group of boys had taken it further. Tommy had been the one to find Tim broken and bleeding in the parking lot. He'd left after everyone else had because he'd been in detention, and when he walked through the empty student parking lot, there Tim had been, wrists tied behind his back, shirt hanging off his arms where it had been ripped open.

 

Tommy had called for an ambulance and stayed with Tim because he thought the older boy was dead. Someone who looked that bad shouldn't have been alive. They had beaten Tim so badly that there were bruises and blood everywhere, lumps under his skin from where bones had broken, and on his stomach, they had cut him deep, and he was bleeding. Tommy hadn't realized right away that it was a word they had carved into Tim's stomach. Fag. It made his own stomach twist, and for a moment he felt like he was actually going to be sick then and there. Acid burned in his throat, and he couldn't stop staring at that word. 

 

The ambulance finally had come, and they took Tommy with them. The police had asked Tommy questions while he was waiting in a hallway at the hospital, but there wasn't anything he could tell them outside all the people he knew who had bullied Tim at school

 

When Tim had woken from his coma, Tommy went to see him. He looked terrible with his swollen face and horrid bruises covering him. He'd thanked Tommy for not leaving him, and then he had said something that had shocked the hell out of Tommy, something he would never forgot. Tim had guessed that Tommy wasn't totally straight, and told Tommy not to come out. Tommy hadn't asked what he meant. He wasn’t sure if it was from fear that he would end up like Tim, or if he was afraid he would lose friends and family. Either way, Tommy knew not coming out had been a decision born of fear, but he didn’t know what he feared more: losing friends and family or being severely injured like Tim. All he knew was that he was convinced that if he came out, something terrible would happen. 

 

Tommy shakes his head, trying to clear the ghosts from the past that haunt him whenever he talks about his sexuality. He doesn't need to be lost in his own head right now, he needs to talk to Mike and not act like he doesn't have his shit together. When he looks at Mike, he can tell that Mike has been watching him for a while. 

 

"I'm not trying to be a dick,” Mike says. “I just want you to be happy, and I know hiding shit from Adam is eating you up inside. No matter what you do though, if you come out or decide never to come out, I've got your back, man. No matter what you choose," Mike promises. 

 

Tommy knows Mike means it. Mike's probably the only person he's ever talked to about Tim, and how he's always been afraid that something like that could happen to him if he let people know that he wasn’t totally straight. Tommy's always respected people who are out. He knows it takes courage, and even now as an adult, most days he doesn't feel brave enough to come out, especially now that he's kind of famous, it's a lot harder. 

 

"I'll try and talk to him when he comes home. Just to tell him I'm bisexual. I know you think I should jump his bones, but that's not happening. I want him, sure, but he just broke up with a guy, and I really don't think he thinks of me that way." Tommy sighs, and when Mike suggests they grab Dave to go out for drinks, Tommy happily jumps on the change of subject. He's talked about his emotions enough for one day, even though he didn't have his planned talk with Adam.

 

Mike leaves his room to get dressed and to call Dave to see when he finishes work. While he's gone, Tommy gets ready. He doesn't dress up, just black skinny jeans and some old band T-shirt. He keeps the makeup minimal, just putting on some eyeliner and a little eye shadow. He likes makeup much better since he started hanging out with Adam and his friends. Sutan has especially taught him to love it, to make himself look cool. Mike comes back from talking to Dave and tells him Dave will pick them up in a few. He's smiling way too much, and Tommy's not sure what to make of that. He’s half expecting to get dragged to a lap dancing club or something, but that's not where they take him. Dave, the fucker, drives them to a gay bar. It's not like Tommy's never been to one before, and if anyone recognizes him it wouldn't be a big deal, but he can tell by the gleam in Mike's eyes that he's planning to try and get him laid or something. 

 

Tommy has a feeling that this is going to be a very long night. 

 

 

The club turns out to be a bust as far as hooking up goes. It’s not like he had really wanted to go home with a stranger, so Tommy starts out his Sunday feeling pretty mellow. He’s glad they had a good time though. 

 

He heads into town because they really need groceries, but he ends up stopping in some coffee place first. He’s only had one cup before he left the house, and he doesn't think he can manage fighting his way through a supermarket on his current caffeine levels. There's a line, but it's not stupidly long or anything, so Tommy brings up Twitter on his phone for something to do while he waits. He's not really paying attention when the lines moves, so he ends up stepping too far forward and knocking right into the guy in front of him. He almost sends the dude flying even though he's a hell of a lot bigger than he is and way better built. Tommy can see the toned muscles even in the guy's loose T-shirt.

 

"I'm so sorry," Tommy blurts out, because he is, and then he blushes a little because he thinks the guy might be checking him out. He sure as hell doesn't look pissed at Tommy for bumping into him. He's tall, not Adam tall, broad, with hazel eyes and chestnut brown hair. There are no two ways about it, the guy is hot, and Tommy walked into him like an idiot. 

 

"No problem. Not enough caffeine yet?" the guy asks with a warm smile. 

 

Tommy's glad it didn't turn into an augment because he woke up feeling good. He'd actually slept when they came back from the club. He doesn't want to ruin his good mood over an accident. 

 

"Not nearly enough," Tommy agrees.

 

"Mark Hunter," the guy says, holding his hand out to shake.

 

It takes Tommy a second for his brain to catch up, and he shakes Mark's hand, his kind of awesomely big hand. "Tommy Ratliff." 

 

Mark takes his hand back and they shuffle forward in the line a little. "Right, I've heard of you. You play guitar for that Adam Lambert guy?" Mark asks, smiling. 

 

Tommy nods. It feels weird having to correct people and tell them he's actually Adam's bassist. People who don't really follow Adam get it wrong all the time. But he is Adam's guitarist now and he can't wait to be on tour again. He loves playing, and it's been too long since he’s been part of a real show.

 

"Cool. I've just met a celebrity getting my coffee. But it's a shame though," Mark sighs. 

 

Tommy frowns. "What's a shame?" 

 

"It's a shame because you're straight, right?" Mark sighs again, but then Mark gets this look like he maybe doubts what he said, like maybe Tommy's mask slipped a little at Mark's words. 

 

Tommy’s not good at lying, and the only reason he manages to be convincing about the not gay thing, is because technically he's not, he's bi, and when he doesn't let himself think about it, there isn't a problem, but he's been thinking about his sexuality a lot recently. From the look on Mark's face, he let some of that show through. Maybe Mark has read what Tommy is thinking some how. 

 

"You're not straight?" Mark asks after Tommy doesn't say anything, his voice hardly above a whisper, like he's trying to make sure no one else in the busy, noisy coffee shop overhears. 

 

Tommy's not sure why he does it, why it’s this guy, but he nods in response to Mark’s second question. Half of the most important people in his life don't know that he's bisexual, because he hasn't told them, but here he is, spilling his biggest secret to a stranger with a simple nod. His secret’s out there, just because Mark is hot and seems nice. 

 

Mark doesn't get a chance to say anything back because he gets called to be served, but he drags Tommy forward with him so Tommy can order, manhandling him so casually, just like Adam has done to him.

 

"Tell her what you want," Mark says, poking Tommy in the side.

 

"A latte please.” He goes to get his wallet out, but Mark pushes Tommy's hand away. 

 

"I'll pay," Mark says firmly. 

 

Mark finds them a small empty table in a corner and Tommy sits down, his heart racing. He can't believe he has outed himself to a stranger. 

 

"Would it be cheesy to hit on you already?" Mark asks.　

 

"You want to hit on me?" Tommy asks, blushing, as he takes a sip of his coffee to try and hide the fact that he is so out of his element here. He's never seriously flirted with a guy before. When he's done it before, it was with men who thought he was straight. 

 

"Hell yeah. You're hot," Mark says, smiling softly.

 

Tommy feels his stomach flip. Not the wild butterflies he gets when he looks at Adam, but his body is responding to this guy, which is cool. He likes Mark, well… he likes the way the guy looks, and the way he's seems so far. Since he can't have Adam, and he's sure Adam doesn't want him, and even if Adam did, he doesn't think Adam will still like him after Tommy admits to lying, but he doesn't think he should never be with a man because of that. 

 

"Thanks," Tommy manages, and they start talking about themselves.

 

"So you’ve heard Adam sing before?" Tommy asks.

 

"Yeah, but I was distracted by the hot guy playing bass, but you play guitar now right?" Mark smiles.

 

"For this tour I'll be on guitar, which is cool. Did I really distract you, or is that just like a line?" Tommy asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Honestly? I’ve seen a few videos, like the AMA's and stuff, and my eyes went to you every time. Adam's not really my type, but you are," Mark smiles.

 

Tommy swallows. He's not about to admit to the fact that Adam is very much Tommy's type. This thing here with Mark—it's not like either of them could be serious yet--so it shouldn't matter to Mark who Tommy likes, but Tommy's still not sharing. If he's reading things right, there is a sexual tension between him and Mark, and he wants to explore that, because he’s never had with a man before. 

 

"Everyone’s seen the AMA video," Tommy says instead, and then he changes the subject. 

 

They talk and flirt some more, and it's comfortable. He wants to become more at ease with his sexuality, and he figures a good way to do that would be to try and go on a date with a guy. Maybe he should go on a date with Mark, so that when he comes out to Adam as bi and not truly straight, he can honestly say he knows for sure which way he swings. He knows he shouldn't have to prove that he's gay to anyone, but it might make things easier if he can tell Adam he's been on dates with men. Maybe then Adam won't think he's just a curious straight boy.

 

"Can I take you out, to dinner?" Mark asks.

 

"I'm not out," Tommy sighs.

 

"We could go somewhere small, the kind of place paparazzi and your fans won't hang out at. I really want to see you again," Mark asks softly. 

 

"Okay, as long as it's some place quiet, out the way," Tommy nods. 

 

"I promise, nowhere flashy." 

 

They swap numbers, and Tommy makes himself leave and go get the shopping done like he was meant to over an hour ago. When he gets home, Mike takes one look at him. 

 

"Something is up, where did you go, and why are you smiling like that?" Mike asks right away. 

 

"I can't just be in a good mood?" Tommy asks, because it's not like he's normally a grumpy shit, not in the afternoon or once he's had coffee, anyway. 

 

"No, I know you too well, and you hate grocery shopping. You only went today because we're almost out of beer and coffee," Mike points out as he starts helping Tommy with the unpacking.

 

"Fine, I have a date," Tommy admits, because Mike is right, he does know Tommy well and there is no point bullshitting him. 

 

"You picked someone up in the grocery store?" Mike says, sounding a little stunned.

 

"In a coffee place I stopped off in before I went shopping." Tommy shrugs. 

 

"Man or woman?" Mike asks, him trying to sound casual about it, but Tommy knows he really wants to know, gossipy bastard.

 

"A man, and his name's Mark. We're going to dinner tomorrow night, just some place quiet, get to know each other better, you know?" 

 

Tommy is trying to play it down, act like it's not a big deal, but it kind of is. He's never been on a real date with a man before. He's imagined what it would be like, but he’s only had experience with women. He'd rather do things this way anyway: go on a date with a low pressure guy. He could go on the date, kiss Mark and not like it at all, and better that happens with Mark than with Adam, because he could lose Adam over shit like that. 

 

"So you're not ready to tell your friends you like men, but you're ready to go out on a date?" 

 

If he couldn't hear the real worry in Mike's voice, Tommy might have told him to fuck off, but he knows Mike isn't judging him. He's just concerned, like a good friend often is.

 

"Since I've never been on a date with a dude, I don't want Adam to think he's my experiment. Mark's nice, doesn't seem like he's looking for something long term, and he's interested. He's not an experiment either, not really, but I like the idea of being able to tell Adam that, yes, I have dated a man and liked it. So yeah, I'm sure I want to go out with him and just have a good time." Tommy shrugs. 

 

"So… you date this guy and then cut him loose, tell Adam that in the time he's been away, that you've rethought your sexuality? You have a few weeks to get comfortable with being bisexual before he comes back and asks what you wanted to talk to him about," Mike says thoughtfully.

 

"Basically. I want to be able to show him that I'm really sure, really serious about him. Besides, it could do me some good to get a little experience, and Mark's a cool guy, something casual with him could be pretty awesome." Tommy shrugs. He doesn't want to get his hopes up, but he has a feeling this date will go well. 

 

He'd spent years convincing himself something terrible would happen if he came out, if he dated a guy, had let himself believe that his coming out would be one of the nightmare horror stories people heard about, but so far things haven't been like that at all. His Mom hadn't been mad, and she'd even said she was sure his Dad wouldn't have thought any less of him, which had been a worry that had weighed him down. His Mom had known his Dad better than anyone else, so he believes her when she says his dad would have still loved him. He's been telling a few special people about his sexuality and the world hasn't ended, so he guesses he was wrong to worry so much.

 

"Just be careful, and don't fall in love if you and he are only in it for something casual. Make sure you're on the same page," Mike says firmly. 

 

Sometimes Mike is more like his older brother than his best friend. He watches out for Tommy, cares about him, and Tommy appreciates that. He's glad he told Mike about being pretty damn sure that he’s bisexual. He likes to think of it as something like bisexual in theory and now he plans to get at being bisexual in practice as well. 

 

+++++++++++++++  
　

 

He spends the whole day worrying about what to wear, and normally he would call Adam or Sutan, but if he tells Sutan he wants to look good for a date, he’ll ask questions. He doesn't want to outright lie to him, no more than he ever has before. So it’s probably a good thing Adam is still on vacation, and Sutan is busy doing his own thing. Although he tries really hard to never actually say the words 'I'm straight', there are plenty of people—fans and the media—who are willing to say them for him. He’s sure there are probably just as many people who don't believe he's straight—some are pretty vocal about it on the internet—but most of them base that on his kisses with Adam on stage during the first tour, and his makeup, which Tommy doesn't actually think makes a good indicator of sexuality. Straight men wear makeup, and plenty of straight people will kiss the same sex for a bunch of different reasons. It's just kissing, it doesn’t have to mean a thing. Tommy has kissed a bunch of his friends, male and female. That doesn't mean he’s sleeping with any of them or that he even wants to. The only friend he's kissed who he wants to sleep with is Adam, and Adam had started it.

 

Mike finally gets sick of Tommy pulling all his clothes out of his closet and calls his girlfriend Lucy to come over and pick something out for him. Lucy has good taste, and she's not nosy. When she makes it over, she picks out a blue shirt and jeans, tells him to have fun, and doesn't even ask who his date is with. Tommy kind of loves her, just not in that way. While he waits for 6 o’clock to roll around, she even paints his nails for him. She’s pretty awesome, and he’s glad Mike has her for a girlfriend.

 

When he leaves, he's a ball of nerves, but when he meets Mark at a small Italian restaurant, a lot of his nerves fall away. Mark looks good, and he also looks really pleased to see Tommy. They hug hello, and then Mark leads the way inside. He knows the owners and they are soon settled in a small private booth, candle on the table between them as one of the waiters Mark knows makes recommendations. When he takes their order and leaves, Mark reaches out and takes Tommy's hands, fingers rubbing over the calluses.

 

"Playing guitar," Tommy explains. 

 

"I like your hands," Mark says, smiling.

 

Tommy relaxes some more. He doesn't need to impress anyone here, he has no reason to be nervous. Mark is a nice guy who already likes him. That's the hardest part, getting someone to like you. If he doesn't fuck up big time, things should be fine. He doesn't plan to fuck up, not that he ever actually plans to fuck up, it just happens. 

 

"Thanks." Tommy lets Mark hold his hand until the food comes, and if a fan happened to be in this place, it would be an issue, but there are just a few older couples, no one who looks like they could be a glambert, and no one pays them any attention. They talk while they eat and the conversation flows easily enough, it's comfortable. He's not falling for Mark, maybe he could one day though, because he likes him a lot. He's having a good time and he doesn't feel like he has to prove anything. It's a nice change, because he thinks he's going to have to work to get Adam to believe that he's really serious about being with Adam. 

 

They share dessert and then leave the restaurant. Mark stops outside and pulls Tommy to a stop with him. He takes one of Tommy's hands in his and puts his other hand under Tommy's chin, tipping his face up. He does it slowly, like he's giving Tommy time to pull away if he wants to, but he doesn't want to, and he stays still and lets Mark kiss him, kissing back slowly. He's kissed men before, Adam and Sutan to name two, and Mark doesn't kiss like either of them had. He's got some stubble and it feels weird against Tommy's skin. He's more used to smooth faces, but he likes it, and before he knows it, he's all wrapped up in Mark, bodies pressed closer together, making out for long minutes. Then Mark is moving them, but trying to keep the kiss going. Mark walks backward until his back hits his car, and then he pulls Tommy in close and kisses him again, letting Tommy press him against the car, lets him take the lead.

 

"Want to come back with me to my place?" Mark asks, his breath ghosting out over Tommy's lips. 

 

Marks eyes are lust glazed and Tommy can feel his cock, hard, through his jeans, see his lips swollen from kisses and he looks good, really good. Even though it's their first date and Tommy normally tries to not rush things, he finds himself nodding, because he doesn't want their night to end yet. Tommy goes to his own car and follows to Mark’s place. When he parks and gets out the car, Mark is waiting for him. He closes the car door for Tommy, pulling him in for another long slow kiss. They walk up to Mark's apartment together, and they end up on his couch making out, hands sliding under shirts, and then Mark is on his knees on the floor in front of Tommy, opening his jeans and getting Tommy's cock out. 

 

Tommy groans as Mark licks his cock before sucking it into his mouth. Tommy moans, his fingers threading in Mark's hair when suddenly Mark pulls off, looking up at Tommy. This has gone way faster than he thought it would.

 

"I want you to fuck me," Mark says softly, heat in his eyes.

 

Tommy wants to know what it will be like to be with a man, to confirm what he's known for a long time, that he likes men just as much he likes women.

 

"Yeah, okay," Tommy says softly. He wants this, but he's still nervous about it. He thinks maybe he'd be more nervous if Mark had asked to be the one to fuck him. He's not sure he's ready for that, to be that vulnerable with a man he's only been on one date with. He's had anal sex before with some of the women he's dated, and he's always been the giver. 

 

Mark stands up and takes his hand, leading Tommy to the bedroom. Tommy starts to lose his nerve a little as they start stripping each other and kissing, because even though this is different from what he's used to, it's still somehow familiar. He might be used to breasts and curves, but hard muscles feel just as good while Mark’s rubbing against his body, shoving his jeans down. It feels right, not even a little weird the way he had worried it would be. They end up naked on the bed, Tommy on top of Mark, kissing him as their bodies move together, sweet friction as they move together, and Mark only stops him to get lube and a condom out of the drawer beside the bed. 

 

Tommy is happy to take the lead, slicking up his fingers, kneeling between Mark's spread legs. He starts off teasing, with light touches. Mark moans and begs, and Tommy can't resist, can't keep him waiting. 

 

He presses one slick finger into Mark, aiming for his prostate, and he's confident that he's found it when Mark moans loudly, his voice sounding ragged. He soon adds another finger, fucking them both into Mark's body. 

 

"More, please," Mark groans out, his voice shaking a little. 

 

Tommy adds another finger, loving the tight feel of Mark around his fingers. The sound Mark makes when Tommy rubs against his prostate again goes straight to Tommy's cock, making him feel harder, needier. He rolls on the condom, pushing Mark's legs further back, kissing him hot and wet, full of passion as he starts pressing into Mark's body, all that tight heat around his cock. Pleasure hums through Tommy's veins and soon, he is thrusting into Mark while Mark moans, begging for more, harder, faster, and Tommy tries to give him what he wants. 

 

"Please," Mark moans. 

 

Tommy wraps his hand around Mark's cock, jacking it, and it doesn't feel like jerking himself off. It’s different, but he likes it, and Mark seems to like his touch, thrusting into Tommy's hand and spitting out curses. 

 

When Tommy feels like Mark is getting close, he speeds his hand up along with his thrusts. Mark’s nails dig into his back and he comes moments later, spilling over Tommy's fist and their stomachs. The feel of Mark tightening around him makes him moan Mark's name loudly, and he only lasts a few more thrusts. 

 

As he comes, Mark kisses him slow and deep all through his orgasm, and then as he's calming down from the high, Mark asks, "Stay the night?" 

 

Tommy nods before kissing him again. They clean up and get back into bed together, and going to sleep with a hard male body in his arms is not weird the way he thought it would be. He could get used to this.

 

++++++++++++++++++++

Tommy wakes up slowly, blinking because of the brightness of the room, and as he moves a little, Mark starts waking up beside him. He almost can't believe it, he finally did it, he slept with a man and it was damn good. There are no doubts—he likes men—anyone who says differently is wrong, this isn't a phase, this is who he is. 

 

"Morning," Mark says sleepily. 

 

Tommy smiles at him, stretching out to relieve the aches in his body. If he didn't have plans with Mike today, he would have happily stayed in Mark's bed. Instead he has to get dressed, but he stays long enough to share a coffee, and Mark puts on his shirt and boxers from the night before to walk Tommy down to his car.

 

They kiss goodbye, and Tommy promises to call, liking the way Mark feels pressed against him. He gets into the car, a smile still on his face. He could really get used to this. He's not in love or anything, but he likes Mark and the sex was really good. 

 

He drives home and walks through the door. Mike is sat on the couch and takes one look at Tommy and whistles. 

 

"Someone got laid," Mike smirks.

 

"Shut up," Tommy groans, blushing.

 

"Gonna see him again?" Mike asks.

 

"I think so." Tommy shrugs, sitting down on the couch beside Mike. 

 

"Cool, man. I'm glad it went well for you," Mike says, nudging him. 

 

Tommy knows this is Mike's way of saying he's proud, that this was a big step, without getting too mushy. 

 

"Coffee, and then work on some songs?" Mike suggests, already getting up.

 

"Yes to both," Tommy nods, getting his cell phone out of his pocket so that he can check Twitter.

 

The moment the screen loads, showing him his feed, it stops him cold. He blinks, trying to make it all go away, but it's still there, so many comments, pages of Tweets to him and about him, and Tommy feels like he might be sick.

 

"Tommy? Tommy what's wrong?" Mike's voice sounds like it is coming from a lot further away than the kitchen.

 

Tommy can't make himself open his mouth to get the words out. He doesn't know how to explain that his private life has just become very public.

 

+++++++++++++++++++

 

Waking up to fifteen missed calls and ten texts has Adam worried right away. He’s still in bed when he calls Sutan, who’s texted and called him the most. 

 

"Thank God, Adam. I've been trying to reach you since I heard. Tommy’s not answering my calls or texts," Sutan says in a rush, and he sounds like he might cry, and that makes Adam worry more, even though he doesn't have a clue what Sutan is talking about. 

 

"I was asleep, didn't hear my phone. What article?" Adam asks.

 

"Shit, you've not been on Twitter have you? Some guy’s gone to the press with a story about sleeping with Tommy. Some trashy online gossip site has posted it," Sutan tells him.

 

"They can't just print lies like that about him." Adam frowns, and he’s already planning to get a good lawyer for Tommy so he can sue for slander when Sutan interrupts his mental planning. 

 

"There are pictures. Of them going in and out of a restaurant, of them kissing. They have Tommy going into the guy's place in the evening and coming out in the morning in the same clothes and with the guy half dressed. I think he must have talked to the reporters in advanced, so they knew to be in all those places, to get the pictures," Sutan tells him. 

 

Adam has to pick his jaw up off the floor. His throat feels tight and dry when he speaks again. "Photos? You're sure they're real?" Because how can they be real? Tommy's straight, he couldn't have spent the night with a man.

 

"They look real to me. The guy, Mark Hunter, has outed Tommy. It’s so fucking wrong! People should have the right to come out if and when they want. I'm so worried about him, Adam. I don't know what to do." Sutan sounds distressed and Adam doesn't blame him. They all care for Tommy and neither of them believes in outing others. It's cruel, and Adam can't believe this has happened; he can't wrap his head around any of it. 

 

"I'm going to get a flight home. Keep me updated and keep trying to get in touch with him,"

 

Within twenty minutes he's dressed, packed, and got a flight booked. As he sits waiting to get on the plane, he goes to Twitter. It's pretty easy to find a link to the article about Tommy since he's been tweeted it by over a hundred people, tons of them asking if he knew about Tommy. Adam doesn't respond—he just goes to the article to read what his friends have already seen.

 

Mark Hunter talked about meeting Tommy in a coffee shop, about going on a date, and then about the sex they had, how good Tommy had been, how Mark hardly believed it could have been Tommy’s first time with a man. And seeing how Tommy had lied about how he liked men, he could have easily lied about how many people he has ever slept with.

 

The article went up early that morning, like the reporters had waited for the date to finish, adding final touches that morning and then they released it. There were pictures that looked real, and Adam’s chest aches as he looks at them. Tommy and this man, Mark, kissing against a car, passion in every line of their bodies. Tommy going up to the man's apartment and coming down the next day. He's not sure if his chest aches from jealousy, or hurt over what Tommy is going through, maybe a little of both. All he knows is that he has to get back home and see Tommy, talk to him. He can't imagine what Tommy must be going through.

 

++++++++++++++++  
　

 

Sutan meets him at the airport. Together, they get Adam's bag and don't talk until they’re in Sutan's car in the parking lot, because neither of them want to risk being overheard in the airport. Sutan looks worried sick, and Adam leans over to hug him before he says anything.

 

"Have you spoken to him?" Adam asks, because he had to turn his phone off during the long flight.

 

"No, he's not answering. He's not said a thing on Twitter either. I've texted and I've called, but I've gotten nothing. All calls go right to voicemail. I've spoken to Isaac and Ashley, neither of them have heard anything from him, but reporters have been calling them, asking for their comments on the situation. Even I've been getting called and tweeted about it as well." Sutan shakes his head. 

 

Adam knows how Sutan feels, so worried. He himself has been tweeted so much he's surprised Twitter hasn't crashed. And Adam knows that as soon as the wrong people get his number, he’ll start getting calls about it, asking the same questions as the fans are asking him: Did Adam know Tommy liked men? 

 

"I don't get why he never told us,” Adam says. “Hell, I don't even know if this is a one off or if he's been hooking up with men his whole life." Adam sighs. He's so confused, wondering why Tommy hadn't chosen to come out, and now it's been forced on him. Adam would never wish that on anyone, let alone one of his best friends, a friend he has a crush on, and apparently it would seem a friend that he doesn't know as well as he thought. He had always thought Tommy was an open book, but it looks like Adam has missed a few of the pages.

 

"The article said it was his first time with a man, but how much of what that scumbag says can we believe? The only thing we know for sure is real, is that Tommy spent the night. There isn't even any proof they slept together. But even if he didn't… those pictures… people will fill in their own blanks even if they're not true." Adam says softly, trying to work out his thoughts by saying it all out loud. 

 

"Since calling him hasn’t worked, maybe we should go to his apartment? I'm seriously worried about him,” Adam suggests. Adam cannot imagine being outed without any choice in the matter. He got to come out when and how he wanted. Tommy has been denied that option, robbed of it. 

 

"Yeah, let's do that and hope he answers," Sutan says as he starts the car. “Tommy has never ignored me calling, never. God, I'm not a violent person, but I want to strangle that asshole for doing this to him. 

 

They talk as they drive, about the reasons Tommy could have had for not coming out even as a bisexual, not even to them. It's not like he could have thought any of them would react badly to it; the band that’s like a family, all of them are accepting people. No one would have thought badly of Tommy because he might be bisexual, and Adam doesn't get it. 

 

"I don't understand him not telling any of us," Adam sighs.

 

"I don't know either. I mean Brad and I teased him a little about maybe liking you. About how he liked being manhandled. He'd just laugh it off, said we were just a pair of gossips. He didn't tell me, Adam, and I thought I knew everything about that boy," Sutan says sounding so worried still.

 

Adam had thought Tommy trusted them, but it seems like he didn't trust them enough to tell them. He trusted some guy from a coffee shop enough to go on a date with him, to in all likelihood sleep with him. Adam really doesn't understand. 

 

"He should have trusted us, not some stranger he picked up," Adam says after a minute.

 

"Don't get mad at him,” Sutan says, his tone firm. “I'm sure he had reasons for doing what he did." 

 

"I'm not mad, not at him anyway, I'm just really confused," Adam groans.

 

"I know how you feel," Sutan says, sighing. 

 

They fall silent for the rest of the drive.   
　

 

When they get to Tommy's apartment block, they seem to have gotten lucky. No one is hanging around waiting to take pictures, and they make their way up to Tommy's place. Tommy had already given them both the code to get in the front door, so they don't have to buzz to get in.

 

Once they are at the right apartment, Adam knocks, his stomach in knots, because he has no idea what to say to Tommy when he answers the door. Only he soon realizes that won't be an issue, because Tommy's roommate Mike answers the door. 

 

"He's not here," Mike tells them before they can ask.

 

"Where is he?" Adam asks.

 

"Come in,” Mikes says stepping back. “I don't think we should do this in the hallway." Mike lets them both in, heading to the kitchen once he's shut the door. 

 

Adam has been here before and it doesn't look any different, apart from the fact that Tommy is missing. Mike has a pot of coffee on, and he offers a cup to them both. Adam takes it, because after his flight, he needs the caffeine.

 

"You've seen the article then?" Mike asks as they all sit around the kitchen table.

 

"Yes," Sutan nods.

 

"He was going to tell you all, but that's gone out the window. So if you were wondering, it's true, he's bisexual," Mike says, hands cradling his mug.

 

Adam's seen Tommy do the same thing a dozen times, warming his hands up on the mug, and Adam can't help looking around the apartment, like he expects Tommy to just appear. He's never been in Tommy's place without Tommy. It doesn't feel right, but nothing about this day has made sense or felt right to him.

 

"I don't get why he didn't tell us," Adam admits.

 

"He only told me a few months ago, and I've known him my whole life, a lot longer than the rest of you. Tommy has his issues, but he was working through them. He told his Mom he went on a date. He was doing well when it came to being more comfortable with his sexuality and now it's all royally fucked up."   
Mike looks pissed, and Adam would bet any amount of money that Mike is furious with the man who outed Tommy. 

 

"Where is he?" Adam asks.

 

"He went to his Mom's place, but he's said he doesn't want to see anyone, so I don't think he’d want either of you going there right now. He's a mess, and he doesn't want to be around anyone. Even though most of the fans seem to be cool with him being at least bi, but how this happened? It’s confirmed every fear he’s ever had." Mike sighs and looks as strained as Adam feels inside.

 

"I'm not sure I'm following, what fears?" Sutan asks.

 

"Tommy has always been convinced that something terrible would happen if he came out. And he came out to Mark and this happened, so I know he'll be feeling like he was always right. He came out and it gets splashed all over the internet… the first guy he sleeps with uses and betrays him. It's like a nightmare coming true for him." Mike shakes his head, putting his coffee down untouched. 

 

"Why did he think something bad would happen?" Adam asks.

 

"I'm not getting into that. I'm sorry, but Tommy deserves to make choices here. If he wants to tell either of you, then he will, but I'm not telling anything that I think he'd want to be kept private." Mike shrugs. 

 

"Okay, fair enough. His trust has already been put through the shredder. Just tell me, how is he?" Adam's more worried about how Tommy is doing than he wants to know the reasons behind Tommy not coming out. He won't lie, he wants to know, but it can wait. 

 

"He's a mess, and I don't know what to do, how to make him feel better. I can't fix this for him, I can't turn back time. He's hurting and I hate that I know there is nothing I can do to change any of it. Fuck, I really wish he'd talked to you when he called," Mike groans.

 

"What do you mean?" Adam asks.

 

"When he called you the other day, he was meant to come out to you, but he didn't. When he met that guy, he seemed really excited and I encouraged him to go for it, have some fun with the guy. He goes and does it, and ends up with the world's biggest asshole. Maybe it would have happened anyway, but I can't help think things might have been different if he talked to you," Mike says.

 

"He was going to tell me?" Adam had known something was going on when Tommy had called. He should have pushed Tommy to talk instead of agreeing to wait, because maybe if he had, he could have talked Tommy out of sleeping with a stranger. He would have told Tommy to have his first time with someone who meant something to him. He has wanted Tommy for himself all along, but he wouldn't have abused Tommy's trust by talking Tommy into his bed. He would have just been a friend when Tommy needed one; it's all so fucked up.

 

"Yeah, he was afraid you'd be mad at him for not telling you he was bisexual before. Thought you wouldn't trust him anymore. You don't, like, hate him, right? Either of you?" Mike doesn't look like he thinks they are pissed, but like he wants to be sure. 

 

"Never. I might not get why he didn't tell us, but I'm not mad at him. It should have been his choice to come out whenever he was ready." 

 

"I'm not mad either,” Sutan says, shaking his head. “I’m just really worried. This never should have happened." 

 

Adam can't agree more.

 

"I'm glad you’re both not mad. I'll let him know that. I'll call his Mom's house in a while, since I know he's turned his cell phone off, and if he won't call either of you himself, I can let you know how he is," Mike offers, and both Adam and Sutan give their numbers to Mike. 

 

Adam doesn't know what to do, what to say while he’s sitting there at the table. He's never known someone who has been outed and betrayed like this, and he doesn't know what he can do to make the fucked up situation not seem as bad. He doesn't know what to do about the fans or anything at all really, he's lost. He wants to respect Tommy's wishes to be left alone; Mike had said to leave it alone. Mike's close to Tommy, Adam is sure he knows what Tommy wants, but it hurts not to go to Tommy, to go see for himself if Tommy's okay. But he feels like that would be selfish, going to Tommy and making him talk, just because it would make Adam feel better. 

 

"Can you ask him what he wants us to do about the fans?" Adam requests, because he doesn't want to do anything to make it worse. He doesn't want another choice to be taken from Tommy either. It's Tommy's place to say what should be done about the fans. Should the band deny or confirm that Tommy is bisexual, or should they pretend they knew all along, or should they tell the truth that they hadn’t known? These are things Adam needs to know, but he’s going to do his best to make this situation better, easier, for Tommy.

 

Tommy is pretty much out now, through no choice of his own, everyone who saw the photos believes Tommy is either gay or bisexual now, and Adam wants to help Tommy rethink things and not think of being out as something terrible. Being outed is bad, but they can try to make the best of a bad situation. From now on, Tommy should get to speak for himself and be happy, to live openly, without judgement. Whatever Mark got out of selling Tommy’s story should be all he gets, not the satisfaction of destroying Tommy or his life. Adam will do anything to protect Tommy, help in any way that is within his power. And it's not even because he thinks he's in love with Tommy, it's because Tommy is his friend, and Adam cannot stand to see the people he cares about getting hurt. He’s sure that Tommy is hurt, cut too deeply for a quick fix.

 

"I'll ask him,” Mikes says after a few moments, “but when I saw him, he didn't know what he wanted to do, he's so lost," Mike admits.

 

"If we can do anything to help, just let us know." Adam would walk over burning coals if it meant helping Tommy, but he can't think of any way to actually help, to lessen his pain. It makes him feel helpless; being willing to do anything, doesn't mean there is anything he can actually do. Tommy’s been betrayed and the sting of that is bound to last. All Adam can do is be there whenever Tommy is ready for him. Since Tommy has gone to his mother’s house, he and Sutan will have to respect Tommy's choice to be alone. 

 

After Mike promises to keep them up to date, Sutan drives him home. Adam asks him to stay the night, because he just doesn't want to be alone. They order take-out and eat it in front of the TV, watching something mindless, because both of their focuses are somewhere else. Adam can hardly wrap his head around it all. Tommy isn't straight and has slept with a man, a man he hardly knew. Mark could be the first man Tommy has done anything sexual with and he’s been betrayed. Adam's heart aches for him.

 

As Adam falls asleep that night, he knows one thing for sure: he’s got Tommy's back, and he's sure the same goes for the rest of the band and all their friends too. They all love Tommy whether he’s gay, straight, or bi, that doesn't matter to any of them right now. 

 

In the future it might mean something to Adam because of his crush, but he knows that now really isn't the time to be thinking about how he wants Tommy. Being bisexual doesn't mean that Tommy has any feelings other than friendship when it comes to Adam. 

 

++++++++++++++

 

He calls Tommy a lot, but Tommy never picks up the phone, so Adam is left leaving messages on his voice mail.

 

"Tommy, it's Adam. I'm home, I saw the article. I'm worried about you, so call me, please?"

 

Adam tries not to sound desperate, but it's hard.

 

"Please, Tommy, just answer the phone. I know you want to be left alone, but it’s killing me not talking to you. No one's mad at you, you know that right? We all love you… the band, Sutan… we just all want you to be okay," Adam pleads, and then he gets a text from Isaac.

 

*Tommy isn't answering my calls, have you spoken to him?*

 

Adam texts back before calling Tommy again.

 

*No, haven't spoken to him. Mike said he's messed up, but okay*

 

"Tommy, I thought you'd be talking to Isaac, but you’re not and we’re all really worried. Please talk to someone, anyone, it doesn't have to be me. Just let someone know you’re okay." 

 

He doesn't care that he's begging anymore, and he can't just keep sitting around doing nothing, it's not in his nature, but he's trying to give Tommy what he wants. Tommy's date might have outed Tommy, but Adam won't be like that and force Tommy to do anything, not even talking. 

 

He lasts a day when he calls Sutan. 

 

"Are we doing the right thing? Not going to see Tommy?" Adam asks.

 

"Mike said he'd let us know when Tommy was ready to see people," Sutan reminds him.

 

"I know, but I just feel so helpless. Everyone is talking about Tommy… the press, the fans, and no one knows the truth. I just want to tell them to all shut up, I just want to go to Tommy and fix it all for him," Adam sighs into the phone.

 

"Adam, you can't just fix this. There is no magic cure. The media will always say whatever they want, no matter what the truth is. They'll get tired of this story eventually and leave Tommy alone. Until then, there isn't a lot we can do. I know how you feel, I want to go and see him so badly too. I just want to hug him." Sutan sounds as worried as Adam feels.

 

"Okay, I won't go to his Mom's, but if Mike doesn't call me soon, I'm going to go see Mike again and ask him what is going on," Adam says firmly.

 

"We need to respect Tommy's wishes, but I don't think going to see Mike could hurt. Let me know how it goes, if I can’t go with you. I have a lot of work in the next few weeks. I wish I could blow the jobs off but I can't." Sutan groans.

 

"I'll let you know how it goes. I'll try and wait for a few days, maybe Tommy will call me or you before I get desperate and go to see Mike." Adam doesn't want to force Tommy to talk before he is ready, but Adam can’t even sleep, he's so worried about Tommy.

 

"Call me when you know something," Sutan tells him. 

 

Adam agrees to do that before hanging up. He tries to focus on unpacking and washing his clothes from his holiday, but his thoughts are never far from Tommy.

 

He gives it a week before going back to Tommy's place, alone this time. He's read the article online over and over, read every comment on the site and on Twitter. He's tried calling Tommy more times than he can count, but that hasn't worked to get Tommy to talk to him. He’s still hiding from the whole world, including it seems, a lot of his friends. Adam's not surprised that when he gets to Tommy's place that it’s Mike who answers the door. 

 

"Tommy's still not here," Mike tells him right away. But he invites Adam in, and Adam follows him to the couch.

 

"Is he doing any better?" Adam asks.

 

"Not really. His mom's worried, she called me," Mike sighs.

 

"I've been trying to call him, but he won't answer," Adam admits.

 

"He thinks you're mad at him and you're calling up to yell at him," Mike tells him. 

 

Adam can feel himself frowning. "What? I'm not mad at him, why does he think that?" Adam asks. “I’ve left messages that I’m not. None of us are.”

 

"He thinks you'll be pissed that he never told you he was bisexual," Mike shrugs

 

"I'm not mad about that, I'm just surprised he didn't tell me, but I'm not mad. I'm sure there are a lot of things we haven't told each other." 

 

"I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to, because I don't know what to do. I figure if you're half the man Tommy makes you out to be, that maybe you'll be able to help him," Mike says, rubbing his hands over his face roughly. 

 

"What shouldn't you say?" Adam asks.

 

"Tommy… he hasn’t come out for a reason. There was this kid at school with us, Tim Button. He was out and went through hell every single day. He was the first out guy either of us had ever met, and for a long time, he was the only gay guy Tommy knew," Mike explains. 

 

Adam isn't really following. "But he doesn't care when people think he's gay. People have been questioning his sexuality ever since he started working for me. I don't get it," Adam sighs.

 

"For Tommy, there was always a difference between people thinking he was gay and it being confirmed." Mike explains. 

 

"What's the difference?" Adam asks.

 

"As far as I know, Tim is what makes things different for him," Mike sighs.

 

 

"What do you mean? Did seeing this Tim-kid being bullied make him think the same thing would happen to him?" Adam can imagine what Tim went through because he’s faced his fair share of abuse in high school, long before he was officially 'out.' He can understand someone not wanting to face that.

 

"Tim wasn't just bullied. Some guys at our school tried to kill him… beat him half to death and got away with it. It was their word about where they had been against his, and they all were each other's alibi," Mike explains. 

 

Adam feels like he's been punched in the stomach. What he had faced was bad, any kind of bullying is beyond terrible, but to be hurt like that and to have no one do a thing about it? Adam can only imagine how much that would hurt. "That's so terrible, I don't think I have the words to say how awful I think that is." 

 

"It gets worse. Tommy found him, broken and bloody, hardly even alive, with the word Fag carved into his stomach. He called the ambulance, went with him to the hospital and talked to the police for all the good it did," Mike shakes his head. 

 

"Oh God," Adam whispers, because he can't imagine that, finding someone hurt so badly and knowing why it happened. Adam wouldn't have come out at that high school either, and he can see why it would make Tommy fear being out.

 

"Yeah, and he didn't tell me back then, not ‘till he told me that he’d gone to see Tim in the hospital." Mike rubs the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated. He looks like he's not sure what to do, how much to say, but he goes on. "He guessed Tommy liked men and told him not to come out, that being out wasn't worth the pain it led to. Got Tommy believing that if he did come out that something terrible would happen to him. And now that he'd come out to a guy, the guy screws him, literally. It has him thinking Tim was right, that he shouldn't have come out, shouldn't have told anyone." 

 

Mike sounds pissed off and worried all at once, and Adam's heart breaks for Tommy. He can't imagine that happening to himself, finding someone who had almost died over a gay bashing. He’s never seen that level of violence, never seen someone as hurt as that boy Mike has told him about. It’s a miracle that Tommy ever willingly came out to anyone, being a witness to that kind of trauma.

 

"I… fuck, this is like living nightmare for him, right?" Adam groans, because for someone who was convinced something bad would happen if they told anyone about their sexuality, Tommy has had all his worst fears come true. Not a physical beating, but a beating that has left his heart and soul more than bruised. He's been betrayed, had his trust used up and thrown back in his face, and not for the first time, Adam wants to hunt down Mark Hunter and beat the hell out of him.

 

"Yeah, pretty much. This has really hurt him. I've never gone through something like this. I've never been given shit for just being born who I was born to be, and I don't have reporters sticking their noses in my business. I don't know what any of what he's going through feels like, I just know it's fucked him up has made him feel alone and terrified." Mike looks just as worried as Adam feels, helpless as well. 

 

"I wish I could tell him I… we all still love him." Adam really hopes he's not blushing over his tiny slip up, but Mike is giving him a narrow-eyed look like he knows where Adam was going with that. 

Mike fiddles with his coffee cup and then looks up at Adam. 

 

"Are you in love with him?" Mike asks.

 

Now is far from the perfect time to admit this to anyone, least of all Mike, but Mike hasn't lied to him. He's shared things Adam would have probably never known if not for him. Since Mike is Tommy's friend and wants to help him Adam can't bring himself to lie to Mike.

 

"Yes, I am. It’s scary to say it… I’ve never told anyone before He never would have thought in a million years that the person he would share his feelings for Tommy would be Mike. 

 

"Fuck," Mike mutters.

 

"I know, okay? It's not like I'm going to come on to him just because I know he's bisexual now. I won't take advantage, he's vulnerable and probably wouldn’t accept me." Adam would never forgive himself for using Tommy. No matter how much he wants Tommy, he could never do that, stoop to that level to get what he wants.

 

"It's not that," Mike says.

 

"Then what is it?" Adam asks, confused.

 

"Tommy is going to kill me for saying this, but he likes you too, like he's in love with you kind of like, and I hate to break his trust by telling you that, but you need to know. And officially, he never told me not to tell you because I don't think he thought we would ever meet," Mike rambles. 

 

Adam's heart stops in his chest. "He loves me?" It's like a dream, and it seems wrong that Adam gets to have a dream come to life when Tommy is living trapped in a nightmare. 

 

"He's more gone on you than I've ever seen him be with anyone. I was here with him from everything from crushes to first loves. He didn't think you'd believe he was really bisexual either, he thought you'd think he was just a confused straight boy because he'd never been with a man, so he thought dating another guy first was the best thing to do," Mike explains.

 

"He slept with that scum bag because of me?" Adam says stunned. He feels like something has frozen in his chest.

 

"That was a part of it, but he did like the guy, and he did want to be with a man to prove something to himself. This sucks," Mike sighs heavily.

 

"You think it's a bad thing that he's in love with me?" Adam asks, because Mike doesn't seem all that thrilled about the fact that Adam is in love with Tommy.

"

No, but I really wish he'd told you before this Mark thing happened. I don't see him trusting anyone enough to be with them right now, or for a very long time. Tommy doesn't always trust easily, and now that's just gotten so much worse. If he'd said something sooner, you two could be together by now, he could be happy," Mike sighs.

 

"I get what you're saying, but I like to think he could still trust me," Adam says softly. He won't let himself get excited, because Mike could be right. Tommy might not have enough trust left to let anyone in, but knowing that Tommy loves him, Adam knows he has to at least try. 

 

"I don't know, man. Only he can answer that, and he's still not talking to anyone, not even me half the time… or his Mom. She says he's really depressed, spends most the day locked up in the guest room, playing really emo music," Mike sighs heavily. 

 

Adam doesn’t like the mental image he’s picturing from Mike's words. He hates the idea of Tommy locked up hiding away from his friends, his family, and the world. Sure Tommy likes having his own space sometimes, but not like this, it sounds too introvert, even for Tommy. He can practically see Tommy, hidden away trying to heal from the pain caused by the betrayal he has faced. 

 

"Do you think he would be mad if I went to visit him? At his Mom's place?" It has been over a week, and he has waited long enough. Adam has thought about it a lot ever since Mike told him and Sutan where Tommy was, but he'd been telling himself if Tommy wouldn't answer a call, then he wasn't likely to want visitors, but he really needs to see Tommy, to see how he is. He cares so much that it hurts, and he guesses that heartache is a part of being in love. It's painful to see or know that the person you love is in pain.

 

"I'm not sure, but maybe you should try anyway, because someone needs to pull him out of the frame of mind he's in, show him that the world isn't over, even though it might feel like that right now. I can't get through to him, neither can his Mom, but maybe you can." 

 

"I'll do it today,” Adam says. “He needs to know that I'm not mad at him for a minute longer. I'm going to see him, I won't call first, I don't want him to have any warning," Adam says, standing up. Mike walks him to the front door, and to Adam's surprise, Mike shakes his hand and gives him a manly half hug thing. 

 

"If anyone can help him,” Mike says, “I think it might be you. You care about him a lot… I can see that, so go take care of him and tell him to come home. I kind of miss having him around," Mike admits. 

 

Adam can't make any promises other than that he’ll try his damn best to do something to help Tommy and to bring him back into their lives.

 

+++++++++++++++++

 

Tommy hears the doorbell ring, but he just rolls over in bed, facing the wall, knowing his Mom will deal with it. He’s hoping it's not another one of her 'concerned' friends coming to ask her if it's true: is her son really gay? Did she know? Tommy is so glad that he had come out to his Mom before Mark sold him out. That news isn't something someone should find out about their kid from the media.

 

It had been hard telling her then, but worth it. She didn't think he needed to marry a 'nice girl' to be happy, she supported him and his choice to be happy with a man or a woman. His Mom is all kinds of awesome, and he's not sure what he would have done without her this last week. She hasn't made him talk, has let him tell her the story of what happened— minus the sex detail—at his own pace. She's been perfect, everything he could ask for, but she hasn't been able to make the betrayal hurt less, but then he hadn't expected her to be able to make it all better, even though when he was a kid he had thought his Mom could make anything better. Growing up kind of sucks, because she can't fix his problems for him anymore. 

 

When someone knocks on his bedroom door, Tommy frowns, because that does not sound like his Mom's knock at all.

 

"Tommy?" And that sure as shit isn't his Mom's voice. Fuck. Tommy glances at the window, but he's not crazy enough to try and make his escape that way, and he knows damn well that Adam is way too stubborn to get bored and leave if Tommy doesn't answer. 　

 

Tommy climbs out of bed and goes to the door and opens it. Adam looks good, but then he always does, but it makes Tommy feel like even more of a slob than he already does. He's in an old black T-shirt and a ratty pair of black sweat pants, at least he hasn't been crying today. He’s run out of tears after the first day, when he'd come to his Mom's house to explain that his whole life has been ripped apart because of a man using him to get his five minutes worth of fame.

 

"Adam," Tommy says softly, because he doesn't know what else to say. It feels like it's been months, not just over a week since he’d talked to Adam on the phone. "You're meant to still be on vacation." 

 

"I came home the minute I heard what was going on," Adam says casually, because to him it's obvious that he'd come home early when he heard Tommy was in trouble. He kind of thinks Tommy should know that. Adam has text and called so many times, Tommy must know Adam was so worried about him to stay away on vacation. 

 

"Oh." He doesn't know what to say about that, but he does know he doesn't want to say it standing in the guest room's doorway, so he walks back in and sits on the edge of the bed. Adam follows him in, shutting the door behind him before leaning up against it.

 

"Mike told me you thought I was going to be mad at you," Adam says.

 

Tommy's surprised that's what he started with, but he's not sure what he thought he expected. "You talked to Mike?" Tommy asks, feeling stupidly nervous. Adam is his friend, Adam is gay, and of all the people in the world, Adam is the most likely to not hate him over something like his sexuality. 

 

Twice in person and once on the phone. He's a nice guy, worried about you… all of us are. I get called by everyone in the band every day asking me if you've talked to me, or if Mike's told me any good news. We all want you to be okay," Adam tells him softly. 

 

Tommy feels guilt twist his already knotted up stomach. "No one's mad?" Tommy needs to be sure.

 

"No, no one as far as I know. I won't lie, some so called fans have been running their mouths about it, but most people aren't like that, everyone is just pissed at that Mark Hunter guy for using you, betraying you," Adam explains. 

 

He doesn't sound mad at all, and Tommy wants to believe that he isn't, that Adam can just accept him without being mad that he had kept his sexuality a secret. 

 

"My Mom's been trying to make me see that it's not as bad as I think it is. She’s even gone as far as to say that at least he said I was good in bed. Which I never needed her to know or say, but I guess that's something right?" Tommy says with a humourless laugh, because really, how good he is in bed hasn't really been his main concern this week. 

 

"The fans went nuts over that as well. They say I might have competition in the sex-God department. I know the fact that it could be worse doesn't make it feel any better, but he sold you out. I know that has to hurt. But hiding from the people you love? That's not going to take away the pain. I don't think it makes you feel better, and I know it just makes us all worry." Adam sighs. 

 

Tommy knows he is lucky to have all of these wonderful people care about him, and Adam's right, hiding away hasn't made him feel any better, he's just felt really lonely. 

 

"Have you and the band talked about why I hid it?" Tommy asks, worried about what ideas might have come to them, since as he hadn't been there to tell the truth.

 

"No one's said anything, but Mike told me about Tim. He only said something because he was really worried about you. He thought I might be able to help you handle being outed," Adam tells him.

 

For a few moments Tommy is too surprised to even think about anything. "Mike told you about Tim? Like everything?" Tim’s not someone they ever talk about, because of the way Tommy feels about what had happened. 

 

"I think so. He told me about the attack, that you found Tim and no one was punished for it. And he told me that Tim told you not to come out. I know you think coming out would course something bad to happen." Adam nods. " I know what they did to him, that they carved fag into his skin," Adam adds, looking pale. 

 

 

Tommy doesn’t want to think about the details of Tim's injuries. The memory of the way Tim had looked in the parking lot, and of him in the hospital, will always be stuck in his mind. He thinks those images of Tim covered in blood looking like a broken doll will haunt him forever. He'd never seen someone hurt that bad before and thankfully hasn't since. He didn't know a body could take that much damage and live. 

 

"I know Tim probably meant just don't come out in high school, but the longer I hid, the easier it got to keep hiding and the harder it got to come out," Tommy says, explaining as well as he can.. 

 

"I get that, I really do, but I wish it wasn't like that. I wish you'd told me. I can't help thinking that if I hadn't told you about my breakup, that maybe you would have come out to me, and maybe you'd have never gone on a date with Mark," Adam groans.

 

"This isn't your fault, Adam. And knowing you're okay with me being bi doesn't mean that I wouldn't have stopped in that coffee shop, wouldn't have said yes to going on a date with him." He wishes Adam hadn't found out second-hand that he’s bisexual, he's not sure that he wouldn't have gone out on a date with Mark if he'd been out to Adam. He'd wanted to date a man before he told Adam about his feelings, to prove he really liked men. So maybe telling Adam that he was bi wouldn't have changed a thing, he'll never know. 

"If I had told you that I was in love with you, I think that would have changed something," Adam says, his voice barely a whisper. 

 

"What?" He couldn't have heard that right, there is no way Adam had just said that.

 

"I'm in love with you. I never said anything because I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or make you feel awkward. I know this isn't really a good time to say something, but I had to get it out. I can't help thinking that if I'd said something sooner, you might not have done what you did. I'm not saying we'd have gotten together, I don't know if you want that, but maybe it would have changed things," Adam rambles. 

 

"Did Mike tell you I was in love with you?" Tommy asks, because he has a feeling that he must have and that's what has

 

Adam so flustered. 

 

"He might have said something, but I hope you can trust me when I say I had feelings for you before you were outed, and before Mike said anything. I wouldn't lie about something as big as that." 

 

Adam sounds so genuine, but so had Mark, but that doesn't mean Adam is lying. He can see it Adam’s eyes how genuine he is, and Tommy doesn't believe that Adam would lie to him about something like that, because that's not the way Adam is.

 

Adam wears his heart on his sleev, and it has gotten him hurt more than once. Tommy can't see himself ever hurting Adam like that, but does that mean he can see himself with Adam? All week he's been telling himself that he should never date a man again, because it'll just get him hurt. But Adam isn't just some guy, he's not some man, he's Adam. He trusts Adam, he always had.

 

"You love me?" Tommy repeats, because once again he's having trouble believing.

 

"Yes, I love you. I tried to make that feeling go away, tried to tell myself you and I were never going to happen. But I couldn't no matter what I did. Even when I was with someone else, what I felt for you was still there. But I thought you were straight so I never told anyone. Brad might have guessed, but he's not called me on it," Adam tells him, keeping eye contact the whole time, face like an open book. He's not trying to hide anything from Tommy. 

 

Tommy believes every word, even when he was with people, he had still wanted Adam. "My Mom kept asking me when I was going to bring you home after I told her I was bisexual. She didn't believe me when I said there wasn't anything going on," Tommy admits.

 

"Would you like that? To bring me home to your Mom, I mean?" Adam asks.

 

"You've met my Mom," Tommy points out. 

 

"Yeah, but as a friend, not as more. I guess I'm trying to ask if you want me. I know it's probably nearly impossible for you to trust men right now. But if you can trust me, and do want to be with me, well I'd like that a lot." Adam takes a step forward, away from the door, but he doesn't come any closer than that, and it's like maybe he's leaving the gap for Tommy to close, if he wants to close it.

 

"I want you, I'm in love with you, and I trust you,” Tommy says. “But I don't know how to act on it, what to do. I've been on one date with a man and he fucked me over so bad, went to the press and betrayed me, hurt me so much. So I'm not that confident about going for this with you. You're used to men with more experience and less issues." He's spent a long time thinking about what it would be like to be with Adam, but he doesn't know if he can do it. He'd read things with Mark so wrong, maybe he's just not cut out to date men. He'd always thought it wouldn't be that different than dating a woman, but he's not sure he was right. A woman could have sold a story on him too, but he doubts it would have caused the kind of chaos that Mark has done.

 

"I don't care about those things. If your out, if you’re experienced or not, I don't care that you have issues, so do I. If you want to be with me, we can work through any issues you have together, Tommy. I don't want to pressure you… I can wait for an answer. But either way, I'll always be here for you, okay? Even if we're not together as lovers, you're still my best friend, and I'll have your back no matter what," Adam promises. 

 

Tommy believes him on this too. He could turn Adam down, reject him, and Adam wouldn't turn his back on him, because Adam is nothing like Mark. They might both be gay men, but they might as well be different species, they’re that different. 　

 

 

Tommy stands up, goes to Adam and hugs him hard, melting against Adam the moment Adam's arms come up to wrap around him, holding him close. It feels good, feels right to be in Adam's arms. It's been way too long since he last hugged Adam… he can't even remember really. But it feels so good to be back in Adam's arms and it's like some of the tension he's been feeling all week starts to slip away from him. Adam doesn't hate him, he loves him. He's never going to be happy with Mark for outing him, but he won't let that control his life. The most important people in his life don't care that he's bisexual and that’s what really matters, that the people he loves still love him back. People might hate him for being bisexual, and others will hate him for lying about being straight. That will hurt, and he's not sure it'll ever stop hurting, but having Adam hugging him, holding him close, takes away some of the burn. 

 

"I want to try, and I'll probably fuck it up, but I want to try. I really do," Tommy says. He feels stupidly close to tears, but Adam just holds him tighter, like he doesn't want to let go. Tommy is more than okay with that, but after a few minutes, he realizes he can't remember the last time he had a shower. Even though Adam isn't complaining, Tommy doesn’t want to gross Adam out before they are even officially together.

 

"Tell my Mom I'm done hiding while I take a shower?" Tommy asks, and just the thought of leaving his Mom's house is more than a little terrifying. He feels safe here, like he's in a bubble protected from the world, but it's time to be brave. He'll have Adam, and all the people that matter with him. He can do this, he can be brave.

 

"I'll tell her." Adam presses a soft kiss to Tommy's cheek before letting him go, and it makes Tommy blush. 

 

It shouldn't make him blush because he's been kissed by Adam before, but it's different now that Adam knows he's not straight like he thought, and knows that he's in love with him and that Adam loves him back. This kiss has meaning, more than any kiss before it. 

 

He goes to shower and leaves Adam to go talk to his Mom. The shower feels good, washing away more than just dirt and sweat. He feels lighter in mind and spirit as he steps out of the shower, and he knows this has a lot to do with Adam. Seeing Adam hasn't magically made it all better, he still hates the whole world knowing shit that should have stayed personal, but he's feeling a little better about the people in his life. His friends aren't mad at him, Adam isn’t mad at him, he loves him. It’s time he reclaims his life. Adam’ll be there, at his side. He might need a little help, but he'll get there, he's determined. 

 

He puts on real clothes before he goes down to join Adam and his Mom in the kitchen. His phone is on the counter, charging. He'd let it run flat, giving himself an excuse for having it off. Before he pours himself a cup of coffee, and joins Adam and his Mom at the table, he picks it up and turns it on.

 

Sitting between two people he knows that love him and are willing to support him, he starts texting everyone he should have gotten back to right away. 

 

Isaac is the first to get back to him.

 

*you’re an idiot for not knowing we all love you to much to ever hate you*

 

Smiling, Tommy shows Adam the text message. 

 

"See, I told you,” Adam says softly. “Real friends don't hate you over something like this. People were just shocked is all." 

 

"As much as I love having you here and seeing you smile again,” his mom says. “Adam tells me you’re going back to your place?" 

 

"Yeah, I want to get things back to normal. I'm still me, and the people who matter to me, will see that being bisexual doesn't change who I am," Tommy says firmly, pleased to see his Mom smiling at him. 

 

Adam then puts an arm around his shoulders and he relaxes into Adam's touch, grateful for the reminder that he doesn't have to do any of this alone. He has Adam, and he really trusts and believes Adam will be with him every step of the way. Mark really messed with his head big time, and he knows that he’ll have some bad trust issues when it comes to new people wanting to be his friend, but Adam’ll be there to help him, help ease the way for him should he get into any kind of trouble. 

 

+++++++++++

 

Going home feels so strange, but Mike smiles at him as he walks in through the door with Adam. When Mike greets Adam with a hug, all Tommy can do is stare. 

 

"When did you two become hugging buddies?" Tommy asked.

 

"I told you, I talked to Mike a few times without you," Adam says softly as the hug ends.

 

"Dude, I'm hugging anyone who can get you out of the place you were in. I couldn't help you, but Adam did and I'm really fucking happy that he got you to come home." 

 

Mike's voice sounds a little rough, and Tommy has to go hug him. Mike’s his best friend, practically his brother, and Tommy never thought about how his pain could hurt Mike, but he thinks it has and he hates that.

 

"Thank you for being awesome about this shit, all the stuff in the papers. And thank you for talking to Adam and Sutan. I'm done running from this. I'm home, and I don't care if reporters hang around outside. Adam says he doesn't mind if I just tell them to fuck off," Tommy says, voice slightly muffled because he's talking against Mike's chest.

 

He steps back after a few moments and goes back to Adam's side, taking his hand. There’s something very comforting about holding Adam's big warm hand.

 

"Are you two together?" Mike asks, eyeing Tommy and Adam's joined hands.

 

"Um yeah, we are together. We haven't been like on a date or anything, but I finally got what I wanted and that’s Adam." Tommy can't help smiling as he says it. Adam is his now, all his. 

 

"Well I'm happy for you, people have been saying you’re right for each other from the moment you met, and they were right. You two you make sense together. But don't like fuck on the couch or anything, I'm not gonna sit on your jizz," Mike says with a wicked smile. 

 

Tommy leans forward to punch him in the arm. "You’re an asshole." Tommy says, but there is nothing but affection in his voice, Mike has been a great friend, always has been, but he's been really good about Tommy being outed.

 

"I've got to go out so you kids behave while I'm gone." Mike grins and hugs Tommy again before he goes out.

 

Tommy doesn't take Adam to the couch once they are alone, they go to Tommy's bedroom and lay on the bed together, fully clothed apart from the shoes they kick off. Tommy pulls out his cell phone to look at the messages, and one from Sutan makes him smile.

 

*I should have known you were 2 fabulous 2 b straight. Gonna take your tiny ass to a gay bar*

 

"He knows I've already been to gay bars, right? I think I've been in gay bars with him when we were on tour," Tommy says to Adam, who is smiling softly, his fingers running through Tommy's hair, petting him gently. He looks happy and it makes something flutter in Tommy's chest.

 

"He just wants to take you out, see all the boys panting over you, not that they didn't before, but now they know you play for both teams, it'll be so different, they'll all want you," Adam sighs.

 

"I don't think they will. I mean I'm not young, I came out late. I'm kind of a mess, that's not attractive," Tommy points out.

 

"Believe me, they'll still want you." 

 

Adam doesn't sound happy about that, and Tommy kind of likes that. Adam doesn't want men hitting on him, because Adam has feelings for him.

 

Tommy flicks to another text, because he doesn't know what to say. The next one he lands on is Ashley’s.

 

*I know I don't know you as well as the others. But I do know you’re a great guy. Gay, straight or bi, doesn't matter. You’re our guitarist, our friend and we all love you*

 

Tommy feels his eyes start to well up and he puts his phone down, hiding his face in Adam's chest., He doesn't want to cry anymore, he's cried so much since he was outed. He doesn't want to shed any more tears about it, but the kindness of his bandmates is starting to hit him hard. He doesn't get why they love him, doesn't understand them caring so much, but he's so glad they do. He isn't sure what he would do with out them.

 

"Shh, it'll be okay, it's alright to be upset, you've been through so much baby," Adam says softly, still petting Tommy's hair. They stay like that until Tommy drifts off to sleep.

 

+++++++++++++

 

Adam thinks his heart might be breaking when Tommy starts to cry, so he just holds him close and lets him cry. He cries softly, no loud sobs, just silent tears that spill against Adam's chest, his shirt getting wet but he doesn't care. He loves this man and wishes he could just take away all of Tommy’s pain. He knows he can't make it disappear, but if he can help in any way, even small ways, he will.

 

Tommy wakes up after about an hour, yawning sleepily, and he looks so cute that it makes Adam smile., He's all rumpled, lines on his face from the pillow and Adam's shirt. He stretches and smiles softly at him and Adam loves that smile, he could happily wake up to it every day.

 

"You feeling okay?" Adam asks gently.

 

"I guess. I like knowing no one is mad, that I can face my friends and it won't be weird. I still feel shitty about being outed, but I want to get past it, I do," Tommy says cuddling closer.

 

"We'll go out, let people see you’re still here, not afraid and not hiding. Fuck the media," Adam says firmly.

 

He stays with Tommy until Mike comes home. It's late and he has to leave. Part of him wants to ask to stay for the night, he thinks Tommy would let him, but he thinks maybe Tommy needs some time alone to think about them being together. 

 

"You'll be okay, right?" Adam asks, still worried.

 

"I'll be fine, I'll call you if I need to talk, I promise. No more keeping it all to myself," Tommy promises

 

He hugs Tommy at the front door and doesn't care if someone takes a picture. He wants people to know he still loves Tommy, that nothing has really changed between them, even though it has, but not in a bad way.

 

They make plans to meet up again the next day, and Adam goes home feeling better than he has in days. He finally told Tommy he loves him and Tommy’s said it back. it This makes Adam's heart feel too big in his chest. When he gets home he sits down in his living room and calls Sutan.

 

"I spoke to Tommy," Adam says instead of hello.

 

"Is he okay?" Sutan asks.

 

"He's still sad and hurt about being betrayed. But he didn't have feelings for the guy, so I think that helps. He's not feeling good about it, but I think he's feeling better about being out," Adam explains., He's so mad at this Mark guy, he doesn't know what he would do if he ever met him, but he thinks it would probably be something bad enough to hit the headlines.

 

"He text me, so I guessed he was doing better, but I didn't know it was because you've seen him," Sutan admits.

 

"He's gone back to his own place. I spent the day, but I think it's good that he's at Mike's, and not hiding from the world when he was at his mom’s house." 

 

"That's great news… a big step. What did you say to him to get him to change his mind?" Sutan asks.

 

"I just talked to him and kind of told him I loved him," Adam says softly.

 

"You did?" Sutan sounds shocked. 

 

"Yeah, I did," Adam says a little firmer. 

 

"Oh my god, that is great news. Finally! It’s about time. What did he say?" Sutan asks in a rush.

 

"He said it back," Adam says simply.

 

"I'm so happy right now. I hate what that scumbag did , but I'm so glad it gave you a kick up the ass and got you to tell Tommy how you feel. Two of my favorite people together, I love it." Sutan says, and Adam can hear the smile in his voice.

 

"We're going to take things slow, I think. We haven't like done anything yet. But I don't want to push or pressure him, being with him is more than enough for me. He needs time to heal from being betrayed and I'm going to try and help with that before I try and jump his bones," Adam admits.

 

"That is going to be so hard. I know how much you want him, not touching him is going to be like hell for you." 

 

Sutan sounds kind of amused, and Adam wants to kick him in the shins or something, but he can't over the phone.

 

"I'm not a sex addict, I can wait. What matters is I love him and he loves me back," Adam says and he means every word. 

 

++++++++++++++

 

Adam sticks to his word to not make a move on Tommy while he’s still healing. Instead he tries to get Tommy to join the real world again, to see more people. They go to Sutan's house, because he asked them to come for dinner. When Sutan leaves to go check on something, they are left alone and Adam turns to Tommy.

 

"How does it feel, seeing someone other than me Mike and your mom?" Adam asks.

 

"Weird, but good, Sutan is awesome and we've been texting. So I've already told him what happened. I'm kind of glad that we don't need to talk about it tonight. We can just chill, hang out. I like that we can do that," Tommy says softly.

 

"I'm really glad you agreed to come. I know Sutan was happy about getting to see you. So how is everything?" Adam asks.

 

"You came over to my place yesterday, we played video games with Mike and ate pizza, you know how I am," Tommy points out.

 

"I know what you did this week, but I don't know how you were feeling. If you'd been thinking of Mark at all." Adam worries about what Tommy is thinking, because Tommy sometimes keeps his thoughts to himself. 

 

"A little. I mean I'm still mad. A part of me wants to track him down and kick his ass. But he doesn't deserve that attention. He's a fame seeking asshole, and I'm not going to help him get more, not again," Tommy says firmly.

"Well good, I'm glad you’re doing well. But if you’re ever not, just call me okay? I want to be there in any way I can." 

 

"I know, you've been great, talking to you really helps," Tommy says softly.

 

Adam takes Tommy's hand and ignores the raised eye he gets from Sutan when Sutan comes back into the room. Adam knows he's in love with Tommy and he knows Tommy loves him back, but he's not sure how to take things further. He wants Tommy to get past the betrayal, but he doesn't want to rush him. He's happy to wait, to be what ever Tommy needs. 

 

++++++++++++++++

 

Mike's says he is happy to have Tommy back in the apartment, so much so that he doesn't complain about Adam coming over every day for a week. Eventually he asks what is happening with them, because they aren't acting like a couple, even though they said they were together, and they aren't acting like people who are just friends either. 

 

Tommy isn't sure how to answer, because they've said I love you, but they haven't kissed or even gone out on a date. They're not boyfriends officially but they spend all their free time together. Sometimes they go to Adam's house or to Tommy's, and then other times they get brave and go out. They get their pictures in the papers and online a few times, and Tommy thought it would freak him out but it doesn't., He's not afraid of people seeing him with Adam, so they can think what they like, he doesn't care anymore.

 

Well he cares, it's weird to have people talking about him and he doesn't like it, but Adam holds his hand and it melts away a little. He might have people talking about him, but he also has someone who loves him. They might not be sleeping together, but Adam is there for him. Tommy sometimes calls Adam in the middle of the night and they talk for hours, even when Adam is tiered and Tommy's insomnia has kept him up all night. 

 

So when on the Friday three weeks after Adam came to see him, Mike says he'll be gone all night at his girlfriends place, he invites Adam over. They sit on the couch watching movies while Tommy tries to gather the courage to say something, to talk about how he is feeling. But he can't find the words and he's glad Adam chooses to fill the silence. 

 

"I saw that you tweeted today, and the fans went crazy. They're so glad to have you back," Adam says softly. 

 

His arm is resting on the couchback, not quite touching Tommy, just resting there, but Tommy likes how close it makes him feel. He kind of wishes Adam was even closer than that. 

 

"Trying to get back into things. I mean, I want to go punch Mark in the face, but seeing all the fans hating on him has been a therapeutic alternative," Tommy says happily. Mark might have betrayed him and gotten paid for it, but it has not made him popular. Adam and his fans are pretty vocal about their hatred, and Tommy is glad Mark is getting shit all over the place. Tommy's not a vindictive person, but Mark deserves to suffer, just like he’s been suffering. 

 

"He doesn't deserve any attention, but I can't lie and say I don't think he deserves the outpouring of hate he's gotten. He wanted to be famous or whatever, but for all the wrong reasons. He met a celebrity he knew, and he probably planned to out you as soon as he found out your secret, because he knew he'd get money and maybe some fame like other people who have sold their sex stories to the papers. It happens all the time, but I hate that it happened to you," Adam says, moving his arm and bringing it down onto Tommy's shoulder. 

 

Tommy likes the warm solid feel of Adam's arm around him and leans in a little more, until he's pressed against Adam's ribcage, chest to chest.

 

"What am I to you?" Tommy asks softly.

 

"Whatever you want to be. I'd really like to be with you, to be a couple with you, but I understand if that's too much or too soon after what’s happened with Mark. I know loving someone doesn't mean you're ready for everything or ready to even be with them. You can have as much of me or as little of me as you want," Adam says, his voice almost as soft as Tommy's. Adam runs the fingers of his free hand over Tommy’s hand where it has somehow come to rest on Adam's stomach. 

 

"What if I want all of you?" Tommy asks.

 

"You can have me, all of me," Adam promises.

 

Tommy believes him, because Adam wouldn't lie to him, not after what he has been through. Tommy moves so that he can kiss Adam, wanting to show Adam how much he loves him, how much he wants him, putting all of his emotions into one kiss. Adam kisses him back, soft and sweet, so loving, but the passion builds quickly, setting fire to them both. He crawls into Adam's lap, straddling him and deepening the kiss, Adam wrapping an arm around him, his other hand on his hip, rubbing and holding him close. Tommy presses himself closer, loving the feel of Adam, big and warm and solid, it's just so perfect. He doesn't want it to stop, not ever. 

 

Adam's hands are now up under his shirt, smoothing over his sides. He shudders as he moves into the touch, because nothing has ever felt this good before. He's sure there is nothing in the world that feels as good as Adam touching him. He draws back from the kiss so that he can strip his shirt off, wanting Adam to touch him more. He want's to feel Adam's skin pressed against his, so he tugs at Adam's shirt until Adam moves forward and lets Tommy pull his shirt off. Then they are kissing again, naked chest pressed to naked chest and Tommy moans into Adam's mouth, loving the way this feels.

 

He rushed into things with Mark and that was a mistake, but it's not like that at all with Adam. He won't walk away, he won't betray Tommy or hurt him. They can be together without anything going wrong or the world falling apart. Sex with a man doesn't have to be a bad thing, wanting Adam won't hurt him. He wants Adam, no one else. He grinds his hips down against Adam, moaning when he can feel Adam's hard cock against his.

 

"I want you," Tommy gasps. Shocked by his own need, he has never needed someone like this. 

 

"Whatever you want Tommy… I want you so badly. I'll give you anything you want," Adam tells him, his face flushed and eyes shining. Adam needs him, too… Tommy can see it in his eyes. He trusts Adam with his heart, trusting him with his body is easy compared to that.

 

"I want to go to bed, with you, right now," Tommy says firmly, climbing off Adam's lap, holding his hand out to Adam as he stands. Adam takes his hand without a word and stands, letting Tommy lead the way to his bedroom.

 

Tommy goes to the bedside drawer and takes out some lube and a condom, wanting it to be out and ready. He doesn’t want to have to stop right in the middle of things once they get going. Then he kisses Adam, wrapping his arms around Adam's neck, pressing himself closer and getting his hands all over Adam. He wants this so much, he's in love with Adam and his body is aching. All he wants is to be with Adam and he can’t wait a moment longer. 

 

They strip before they reach the bed, clothes flying, and they fall to the bed, naked, kissing, hands finding out every hot spot, every patch of skin that makes them moan. Tommy lays on his back, spreading his legs to let Adam lay between them and it feels so right. It's not just sex when it's with someone you love He thought sex could be good or bad, but at the end of the day, sex was sex. He’d been wrong.

 

Tommy snatches the lube off the top of the bedside table and thrusts it into Adam's hand. He feels like he has been waiting forever to get to this moment. But he's here now and he doesn't have to be afraid., He trusts Adam, so much so that he doesn't even feel nervous about bottoming for the first time, about being so vulnerable with another person, but it helps a lot that this is Adam he's doing it with. 

 

"Are you sure?" Adam asks softly, taking the lube, his eyes scanning Tommy's face, searching for the truth. 

 

Tommy has no plans to lie to him, ever, not about anything that matters. "Yeah, so fucking sure and ready. I want you, I trust you," Tommy promises. 

 

Adam kisses him softly, just the soft brush of lips against lips and then Adam's opening the lube up and slicking up his fingers. 

 

He feels a little nervous when Adam's fingers brush over his hole, but his desire outweighs his nerves. Adam presses one finger inside of him, rubbing and moving it and it feels good, sending pleasure coursing through his veins. He wants more, more of the full feeling, more of Adam. Before he knows it, Adam is thrusting three fingers into him and it's not enough. He’s hard and pre-come is leaking from his cock. He’s not going to last. He wants Adam inside him when he comes.

 

"Please, get in me, I want you to, please," Tommy pants.

 

Adam groans, a sound of pure pleasure. 

Adam gets the condom from the dresser and rolls it over his cock, adding more lube. Tommy bites his lip, exited, turned on more than he’s ever been and nervous all at once. It hurts a little as Adam starts to push into him, the head of Adam's cock feeling impossibly wide as it pushes past his rim.

 

"It's okay baby, your doing so well, you feel so good," Adam whispers huskily.

 

"Feels weird," Tommy says softly.

 

"It gets better, I promise," Adam promise 

 

And the deeper Adam goes the better it feels, the pain melting away and turning into pleasure. He wraps his legs around Adam, his arms around him as well, nails digging into Adam's back. He never imagined it would feel like this. 

 

He strains up to kiss Adam, wanting more contact as Adam starts thrusting into him. It feels good, so damned good, and all he can do is shake. He feels like he's falling apart, but in a good way, because Adam is holding him together. Adam wraps one big hand around his cock and all Tommy can do is moan. He didn't think it could get any better, but it has. He practically screams Adam's name as pleasure rushes through his veins. 

 

"Adam," he gasps once, and then he's coming, losing it as he spills over Adam's hand, kissing Adam once he can breathe again, holding on tight as Adam's hips become jerky, their kisses turning sloppy as Adam gets closer and closer, and when he does, the words that fall from his lips makes Tommy's heart feel twice it's normal size.

 

"I love you, I love you so much, Tommy," Adam pants. 

 

Tommy kisses him, words stuck in a throat gone tight, but he hopes Adam can feel that his kiss means: 'I love you, too'. Adam kisses him softly as they both come down from the high of their orgasms and then Adam pulls out carefully. 

 

"Shower?" Adam suggests and Tommy nods. As they step under the spray, Tommy pulls Adam closer and claims his mouth in a hot kiss.

 

"I love you too, so much," Tommy says as the kiss comes to an end. He couldn't get the words out before, but he can say it now and he thinks it's almost better saying it now because he's not saying it just because he's swept up in the tide of lust from the sex. He wants Adam to know he means it, not to think he was just overcome with emotion because it was his first time being with a man like that. 

 

"I love you too," Adam says again, and Tommy didn't actually doubt when Adam said the words inside of Tommy. Adam wasn't saying it because of his orgasm, Adam only says what he means, and Tommy knows that. But it's nice to hear it again, now that they aren't having sex. 

 

They kiss again and wash each other slowly. Tommy has never had a shower that lasted so long or that he enjoyed more. By the time they get out and have both dried off, Tommy is boneless. They get into bed and curl around each other. 

 

Tommy likes having Adam in his bed. He doesn't ever want to sleep without him again.

 

+++++++++++++++++++  
　  
Epilogue 

 

"I can't believe we're doing this," Tommy says softly, putting his key into the lock of their new house. Their house—he still can't believe it, even though the place is bought and paid for.　

 

"No regrets, I hope?" Adam asks, his hand resting gently on the base of Tommy's back, his thumb tucking just under the waist band of his jeans.

 

"None at all," Tommy says walking inside, taking Adam's hand in his as he does. He means it; he's nervous, but so excited to be doing this. Since their first month of dating, they hadn’t spent a night apart. It seemed stupid to be paying for two places when they were only using one. Now they don't have to decide whose place they will be staying at each night because it belongs to both of them.

 

"Good," Adam shuts the door behind them and pulls Tommy in for a slow, deep kiss. 

 

They've moved most of their stuff in already, their friends and family helping. The fans too are happy to see them together, and life finally seems easier. Shit has died down since he was outed—everyone accepts him, no one hates him for lying. Tommy won't let one asshole stop him from trusting people, because people like Adam deserve his thrust. He's not going to doubt because of one man. He loves Adam, trusts him, and that is all that matters.

 

Tommy leads the way to their new bedroom, to their new bed. It might have taken them a while to get here, but they are here now, finally in the right place together. He turns to Adam as they stand beside the bed and he kisses him, loving the way Adam looks at him. The love and trust between them is something he never thought he’d have because he’d kept what he was secret, but now he doesn't think he could live without it and luckily he won't ever have to.

　

　

The End.


End file.
